Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
