A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
there was a trapeze. enough said
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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