i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
