I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
