bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
