I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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