Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
