You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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