No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
