im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
