I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
