No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
