forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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