Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
