I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
