I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
