She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
