i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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