I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
