she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
