my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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