I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
