I'm jealous of your bromance
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize