i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
