On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
