Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
