You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
