have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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