I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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