Banned from zoo.
Again?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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