And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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