i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
