we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
