The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
