people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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