She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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