I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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