Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
