i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
