Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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