I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i came on her dog
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
