This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just gargled with NyQuil
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
