I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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