she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
