Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
