I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
be right there i have to get my cape
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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