You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
