That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
