she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
