I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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