they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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