yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
