I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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