I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
