I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
