You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
