Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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