can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
