wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
