Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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