after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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