Banned from zoo.
Again?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
