I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
