Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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