I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
