This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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