she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
