I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
