I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize