pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
