i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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