Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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