The beer is more important than you right now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
