I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
