I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
