Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
