I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
