It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize