Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
