I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
