my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
