He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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