I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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