adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
