i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
