I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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