That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
