I just threw up on my dentist
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
tell me about the fingering
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
