i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
